Miserable Monday

• Cafeteria workers
• Corporate yoga
• Moms who tells one kid they're cuter than the other
• Gondoliers who can't swim
• Gondoliers who are tone deaf
• Being the only child whose picture is not on your parents' refrigerator
• Naps at the bar
• Yoga teachers with harsh, unsoothing voices
• Brain surgeries in which you have to remain conscious
• Pocket protectors
• Fashionable cracks in restaurant walls
• Breaking into a car and realizing you can't drive a stick
• Screams
• Eating leftovers at every meal
• Prescription drugs that differ from generics only in their price
• Having a phone number that is almost identical to an escort service
• Getting stuck in traffic on your anniversary
• Computer with opinions about politics
• Funeral home employees who say: "Thank you, come again."
• The demolition of beautiful old buildings