Miserable Monday

• Being on the chopping block
• Damp underarms
• Dull razor blades
• Kids who would rather play guitar hero than learn to play guitar
• Water moccasins
• Private clubs
• Blackheads
• Whiteheads
• Xanadu
• Lost Dog posters
• The clutch of greed
• Failed utopias
• Hair metal
• Dolphins-the only animals besides humans that commit suicide
• Houses decorated with somber portraits of dead ancestors
• Exchanges of sentence fragments that pass for conversation
• Being trapped in a sewer
• Learning what your employees really think of you
• Disliking people who witness your humiliation
• Being addressed as "ma'am"
• When your parent is your teacher